friskin

1-29
Resident-
I entered your room @ 7:55 a.m. to t/off your alarm clock
-Security

I make a lot of mistakes. This was a pretty good one. Combined with sleeping through class and temporarily losing my school ID, it left me feeling like the biggest airhead today. I was seeking consolation. Glen tried. I don't know which was more endearing: his genuine concern, or his total incomprehension of what I was trying to say.

I missed my blog's two year birthday a few days ago. Happy birthday, blog.

Idea: Massage co-op? Mmm.

Fuck.

In a good way.

Okay, folks, humor me here for a minute...

YOUR PORN STAR NAME: (Name of First Pet + Street You Live On)
Kirby Twenty Two

YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (Name of Your Favorite Snack Food + Grandfather's First Name)
Cereal James

YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME: (First Word You See On Your Left + Favorite Restaurant)
Mousse Shalimar

EXOTIC FOREIGNER ALIAS: (Favorite Spice + Last Foreign Vacation Spot)
Curry Paris

"FLY GIRL" ALIAS (a la J. Lo): (First Initial + First Two or Three Letters of your Last Name)
B. Dew

ICON ALIAS: (Something Sweet Within Sight + Any Liquid in Kitchen)
Granola Juice

DETECTIVE ALIAS: (Favorite Baby Animal + Where You Went to High School)
Penguin Troy

SOAP OPERA ALIAS: (Middle Name + Street Where You First Lived)
Gwen Lavin

Granola Juice? Anyway, I pretty much busted up my hand playing floor hockey today. I looked down to find my knuckle twice its normal size and half its normal color. Probably not too much cause for concern. J diagnosed it as a "bone bruise." I didn't even know that there was such a thing, but he seemed so certain... The team did much better tonight than our first game. Tuesday, our propaganda was, "The people toiled, and struggled, and scored!" (Once.) (Compared to our opponents' fifty million points.) The results of our second game are almost publishable. We still lost, but the score was 9-6. I'm so proud!

These will be some busy next few days. I'm leaving for a workshop tomorrow after dinner (yes!), and coming back Sunday evening to a pile of work to be done and preparations to be made. On Tuesday my first out-of-class art project is due, and it's also my first teach/learn session with Will. I'm teaching him how to play the flute, which means that I have to prepare some kind of lesson plan. He already reads music and plays various other instruments, which gives him a major advantage. Not so much of an advantage for me, especially if I start getting intimidated. It'll be really interesting. I remember how I was taught when I was in elementary school. First just the mouth piece. Hoot through it for a while. Get used to the ombiture. B flat, C and D... E flat and F fingerings came next, giving a decent vocabulary for really simple songs. I wish I had some fucking sheet music or something here. Yeah. That would make my life quite a bit easier.

I'm sure that's not the last you'll hear about this endeavor.

My Green Hair Monster finally started sprouting.

This is much more fun than thinking about the test I have tomorrow morning. I should go do that.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 25!

7:30 PM!

SOVIET SPORTS MACHINE!

SGT. KICK-YOU-IN-THE-FACE!

BE THERE.

...

Wow, who would have guessed that I have an inner jock?

Tonight at choir practice I noticed one of the old guys dancing around and smiling at me as he was singing. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who is over the top sometimes.

Check this out. It's pretty much the best website ever created. Exploring it on my own today, I almost fainted when I found the animated film section. Mmmmmmm.

P.S. Mongolian Barbeque today at Commons. I didn't feel like wasting an hour of my life waiting in line, but I grabbed a fortune cookie: "The simplest and most necessary truths are the last believed." It may as well have said "Denial is not just a river in Egypt." Goddamn fortune cookie! Tell me something I don't already know! It's not even funny when you tack "...in bed" onto the end of it.

It all started when I went into the bathroom this morning to take a shower. One of my neighbors (aforementioned) was coming out. Seeing her there (or maybe simply seeing a person where I didn't expect there to be one) startled me real bad, and I exclaimed out loud, "Aah!" She didn't say anything at all and I just started laughing.

In the afternoon, I lay on the couch in the Java Joint for a good hour, just staring at the wall. And then for some reason I decided it was a good idea to roll the bottoms of my trousers and go wandering across the mounds. Anyway, I was amused by the squirrel tracks.

This picture of me with my dear friend Tom arrived in my box.



I don't even remember for sure when we met, or when we became aware of eachother's existence. I think it must have been summer of 1998 (Family Album, middle of my awkward phase). Someone had a crush on someone that year (Nicole?). I remember his widow's peak made so prominent by the haircut he had for the first few years of our friendship -- shaved completely bald every few weeks. Laughing. Laughing so hard we cried. We would talk about me coming to live with him and his family. I remember his mom's salsa -- to this day the very best I've ever had. I remember having a tiny picture of (Anat and me kissing) him hanging in my locker through all four years of highschool. He told me I was beautiful. Months went by without seeing him. I remember hearing about his fights and fallings-out. When I met him again we had both changed. Grown up, maybe. This photo was taken last winter, and according to tradition, he sent me a copy. Better late than never, indeed!

He's the last remaining person on earth who calls me "Rebecca George." I'll probably always be secretly in love with him, even though he is my adoptive brother.

[Cue sappy music]

Yeah, Thomas. I hope you're reading this and I hope you know that I am wishing you all the happiness in the world! My love for you is endless, bro. I hope someday you'll tell me everything. <3

I don't know.

No.

I seem to recall a time in my life when the answer could have been "Yes, definitely. No doubt in my mind."

So, who IS sorry now, anyway?

Gooooooor-meeeeeeeeeeeeeeen-ghaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaast!

Reading for hours about epistemology and cognitive models makes my mind go places it shouldn't.

Oh, I have some new goals:

1. I will not expose myself to the elements without a hat somewhere on my person.

2. I will not hit the snooze button more than three times before my eight o'clock class.

3. I will not stare creepily at people, even if I am thinking pleasant thoughts.

This last one is especially important, as I have recently experienced the creepy stare first hand. I hope I am at least a little better than the girl who looks at me as though she would derive a sick, guilty pleasure from removing my skin and making it into a suit and wearing it around in someone's basement and telling herself how pretty we look.

Wow, that's really mean.

But it's kinda true.

Why?

I was going to write about my first day of classes.

Instead, I'll show you my GREEN HAIR MONSTER!



Okay, well he doesn't have any hair yet... But he will soon (IhopeIhope)! Anyone have any ideas for a name?

He kind of reminds me of something I've seen in a Salad Fingers cartoon. Which is creepy.

Somone started using my printer through the network again. Tried to print the same thing four times before realizing that something was awry. I would be amused, except that whoever it was wasted a whole lot of my color ink. I know, I know, I could unplug the damn thing, but I very much prefer to complain about it here. And there's a possibility (a very VERY slight possiblitiy...) that someday someone will use my printer to send me anonymous love letters or some other such treat.

It could happen.

Dig it?

I can't think of anything to say except.... I think it's marvellous!

Am quite satisfied, despite apparent frustration. Maybe it's not so apparent anyway.

Today I got all my classes squared away, spent disgusting amounts of money on textbooks. (Also disgusting: Pearsons basement smells like a thousand rotting feet!) (Also also disgusting, but much more amusing: infamous poster stating "M- W- Wants to See You Poo.") Went to public library for comics and video. Watched aforementioned video in WC. Met boy with funny laugh and secret drawings (probably indecorous), good handshake. Attended choir (which I suppose counts as my first class of the semester?) Froze, thawed X10. Et cetera.

Cactus keeled over today, literally, thanks to my own clumsiness. It's now back on the windowsill. Dirt is still present on/in the carpet, thanks to faulty vacuum cleaner from the 1960's.

Longest 24 hours. This time last night I was (rather foolishly) drinking a mocha latte at Professor Java's. Many loves-of-my-life were there, and even a certain other cosmically connected Professor... I must admit, seeing them all there in one room made me sad to be leaving again. Andrew's (er, Nodal Nim's) performance was great. To say the least, he is very well appreciated by friends and aquaintances. He has a cult-like following made up of highschool boys with long hair. I thought it was all just as sweet as pie.

I didn't sleep much at all last night. Coffee past my bedtime leaves me hyper and jittery. I packed, I cleaned, the clock struck one and, before I knew it, two. I dozed off for a bit, and then was up and at 'em by 5:30. Traveling back and forth to school is such a complicated procedure, and it seems to go on forever....

I'm exhausted like no other. There was a puddle in my refrigerator, and my cactus is on the verge of death. My cupboards are bare. There is dust and disorder. People are yelling down the hall, "I have mint condoms!" I like it here very much.

You lose.

Ha-ha-ha-ha.

The men from Huff 'n Puff came today. I still have goosebumps.

Because it is cold.

And because my bed is bing occupied by the cat, so I can't get in it yet.

Soon I'll have to nudge her off.

You don't want to know how I spent the afternoon.

In the evening, I went out with S. Dinner and a movie seems to be the outing of choice lately. Aside from Artie's, I haven't seen any live performances the whole time I've been home. I had fun, none the less. I usually do. We saw Life Aquatic, which we were supposed to see two weeks ago when I accidentally stood him up. Eet was very nice.

During the car ride home we had a fake argument about me potentially not being around during the summer. His voice was high and naggy like my mom's. I was defensive. What it all boils down to is we're both so scared of fading away. As if I needed another reminder of this. We reconciled as we drove across the icy bridge. I sang at the top of my lungs, "And IIIIIIIIIII-EEE-IIIIIIIIIIII will always love YOOOOOOOU!" He threatened to swerve us off, into the Hudson.

What else? May 6, 2005! Excitement!

J told me that the end of the world will actually be May 5, 2005, so who knows if we'll be around long enough to see it. That sure would be ironic, huh?

I want this.

Chris bought us lunch because today was my last day. Everyone enthusiastically encouraged me to go away more often.

Oh, I'm tired of crazy office antics, as amusing as they are. It's finally time for my vacation to begin. And end. One last thing...

This photo of my dad and the doc is hanging in the waiting room, along with a call for caption entries. My favorite so far? "We ain't got no stinkin' arthritis!"

Naps are wonderful, but they really mess me up big time.

Everyone was in a mood at work today, and oddly enough, that really snapped me out of mine.

This morning, Jan told me that if you go into Wal Mart very early when they first open, you can see all the workers doing jumping jacks and cheers and other such brainwashing, morale boosting activities.

She suggested, "I think everyone here should start off our day with some jumping jacks. And vodka."

Great.

I also learned recently about the addictive effects of Afrin nasal spray. Not first hand, of course, but it came up in a casual exchange and I must say I was quite surprised. I did some research and found numerous support based message boards of people commiserating, "I, too, know the joy and sorrow of Afrin addiction." Apparently it's pretty nasty stuff, and after only a few days.. To each his own, I suppose. Remember, faithful readers [Cue cheesy Lifetime Movie Network music...], every day is a new chance to begin again.

Kick the habit, or kick the bucket. Tomorrow is pay day.

Equals money, equals schooling, equals five days left in Troy. Hunt me down, if you dare.

Now off you La La Land you go.

XOXOX

I went over to S and B's to feed Uma this weekend. Spent a while there this morning after rolling out of bed and throwing on some pants and my good boots. I felt guilty when I had to park in a stranger's snow bank two blocks away. When I got upstairs I was surprised at how happy I could be in someone else's apartment, on someone else's couch, with someone else's cat, reading someone else's book. Even so, I kept expecting them to come home while I was there and be angry with me. Strange, since I clearly couldn't have done anything wrong. The worst I can say about the whole thing is that I noticed that S left a pair of underwear and a couple dirty socks on top of his laundry basket, and (to my amusement!) this made me mildly uncomfortable. What is one to do about that, anyhow? A few days ago, Bruce left a bag of foam balls in my car after I dropped him off. I took the bag to my room, and stashed it temporarily in the closet. I threatened to hold it up for ransom, of course, but eventually yielded and returned it to its rightful owner. When I gave it to him, he opened it and looked in. An expression of shock, almost disdain, came across his face, and my immediate thought was, "Oh no!!! Somehow, some intimate article of clothing has found its way in there and from now on I'll be too mortified to ever see or speak to him ever again!!!"

That (thank goodness!) wasn't the case. He thought that I had kept some of the balls as hostages. Mortification was narrowly avoided. I don't know why I would have cared so much anyway

Much of the rest of my day was spent sewing together a Miss Poppet No Face, and day dreaming about the man on the Paris Metro. Cross-car eyes. He had a newspaper, I had a scarf. I got off before he did. Later that day, though, we recognized eachother at a shopping center. He was working at the food court. I had a slice of pizza. More eyes and smiles and flutters and so on, but never letting on to the other girls. The only words passed, if there were any passed at all, when I finished my lunch and got up to look for the trash can. He pointed it out, maybe in French, maybe in English (I'm sure he knew where I was from), or perhaps with just a gesture. I might have thanked him in French or English. It doesn't matter now... I don't even remeber what he looks like. Just that feeling.

Happens all the time, I suppose.

Rachael is sick. That means that I probably will be sick soon as well.

More of my rambles later. For now, enjoy these lyrics.

I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star
To pray on, or wish on, or something like that.
I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy
Whose reality I knew, was a hopeless to be had,
But then the dove of hope began its downward slope
And I believed for a moment that my chances
Were approaching to be grabbed,
But as it came down near, so did a weary tear...
I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag.
>Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
>'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up.
>I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold.
>Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love.
And I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb,
Looking for a little hope.
Baby said he couldn't stay, wouldn't put his lips to mine,
And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope.
I said, 'Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified.
Come on put a little love here in my void.' He said,
'It's all in your head,' and I said, 'So's everything,'
But he didn't get it...
I thought he was a man, but he was just a little boy.
>>>>>>>>
Paper Bag
Fiona Apple

Afraid someone's gonna steal your ideas and sell 'em to Hollywood, huh?

Snow. Sleep.

Spectacular.

There's nothing here to keep me.

I've been so volatile and sensitive lately, and I know it's no good. I guess I'm in a place where I just need someone to be kind to me. Someone to stay close. I don't need my faults laid out on the table, even if a good deal of humor is implied in the tone; I already know them better than you'd think. So please, if you're planning on calling me a(n) [insult of choice], I ask you to refrain from doing so until I've got my feet back on the ground.

Until then, I'll be perfectly satisfied with a hug, and maybe a kiss on the eyelid.

I got my grades a couple days ago.
Geography: A-
Spinich: A
Myst and Reams: B+

You wish you went to my school. So do I.

Pay no attention to the following: Tainted by association. Cowboy in a jar. The stockboy; if you've seen him, you'll know who I mean. Tattoo (?): Dinner w/ Tom 4:00 Kubrick Sat. I've been making plans. "Came to me in my sleep, and told me everything." The woman with white, white lace and red, frowny, clowny lipstick. Behind the counter, seven cents short. To the store to buy cigarettes(?). The exercise will be good. The fresh air will be good while it lasts. I'll come back and find two lovebirds in my nest, unexpected even in retrospect. Life's cruelest ironies. The strings on my fingers tell me that I've been missing something, and this man told me again and again, "What a face, what a face."

Mother, don't ask me what is right for your children. If you only knew the thoughts that run through my head...

Today...

Dentist: So, when are you going back to school?
Becky: The sixteenth of January.
Dentist: Oh, good. We can have those wisdom teeth out by then.
Becky: WHAT?

...

Dentist: Ha ha! Just kidding!

That was my worst fear going in there. I really thought he was serious. I almost fainted! I didn't dare tell him that three months ago I was ready to chisel them out with a rusty lead pipe. They haven't given me any trouble since then, anyway. Otherwise, my chompers are just fine. Just incase you were wondering.

My brothers and my sisters, tonight my faith was reaffirmed. I am a true believer. I have joined the huddled masses. I have jumped on the band-wagon. I have been bathed....um... in the river.... of dreams.

Whatever. Just when I start doubting the order of the universe, and just when I begin to think that everything is in fact random and meaningless, I get this. A sign? A vision? No, I don't suppose I can classify it as supernatural. No, no... The face of a stranger I am destined to see a thousand times. No words, not a whispered "hello." A flash of recognition in his eye, or fear perhaps. Maybe it was my disbelief being reflected in him, like light on a mirror. I haven't thought about him in months. Before that, one would have to dig deep to find any reference to him. No promises. How could there have been? When musing in the car on the way to the theater, "I wish I could see him agian," I could not have imagined that I would see him sitting two rows in front of me.

Mister Vonnegut may have been onto something when he imagined the existance of a karass.

Experimentation? Increase pressure and temperature. Decrease volume. Add a catalyst.

Why am I so flustered about this?

Hum, you are wondering exactly what "this" is? You are wondering if "this" has anything to do with you.

Well, well, isn't that a bit presumptuous?

I'll not blame it on the weather this time. Things are beginning to look up, anyhow. My head sails westward. I'm going Enigk hunting, and he will sing it all back to me. I finally found the missing piece: Sunny Day Real Estate -> Jeremy solo -> The Fire Theft.

My darkling.

Well, I've managed to get myself totally wired by thinking about the future and all the limitless possibilities, which is sad because I was ready to go to bed at 6 pm tonight. Instead, I decided to watch all the film versions of Jane Austen novels we have in the house. After Emma, I could only find the first installment of Pride and Prejudice taped off A&E ten or fifteen years ago, which is hardly satisfying to my romantic craving. I could read the book... my mom probably owns five different copies. But no. I'll just lie awake in bed and wonder if Elizabeth and Mister Darcy's secret love for one another will manifest.

Remember when I hated Jane Austen with a capital H? Yeah. What happened to that?

Otherwise, I'm wondering about stupid things that matter a million times less than getting some sleep right now.

This must end.

The computer doesn't help.

Fuck.

Nodal Nim (11:30:17 PM): So be it.
Nodal Nim (11:30:25 PM): You're missing out on the Go party of the millenium.
skye yes 681 (11:30:29 PM): :(
skye yes 681 (11:30:37 PM): wayne didnt invite me anyway
Nodal Nim (11:30:55 PM): Yes he did.
skye yes 681 (11:31:02 PM): he did?
Nodal Nim (11:31:15 PM): An excerpt from his email invite:
Nodal Nim (11:31:31 PM): Bring friends and food to share.
skye yes 681 (11:31:45 PM): awwwwww
Nodal Nim (11:31:56 PM): =Becky.
Nodal Nim (11:32:10 PM): Everyone gets to eat you.

He he.

Happy New Year, love bugs.

I never, ever fill out these stupid surveys. Ever. That having been said, I took this from Caroline, who took it from someone else.

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
Left the country. Saw Niagra Falls. Got into a car accident. Went to Kripalu. Played the lottery. Watched vampire porn. Bought something on e-bay.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't believe in new year's resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Rodney Dangerfield...

5. What countries did you visit?
France, Spain, Canada.

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
Convictions.

7. What date(s) from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory?
August 21. October 30. November 2.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Beloit.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Swarthmore.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No, assuming that a cold and my wisdom teeth growing in don't count.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My computer. <3.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Yours.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Mine.

14. Where did most of your money go?
I don't know!!!! : (

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Pretty much something new every day. Most memorably, various crushes and flings.

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
The Ding Dong Song.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder?
Neither.

ii. thinner or fatter?
Both.

iii. richer or poorer?
Poorer.... even though I made lots of money, I have to give it all away so I can have my schooling.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Reading. Writing.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Bridge burning.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Probably at home or on Cape Cod... as usual.

22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
Heck yes.

23. How many one-night stands?
Depends what you consider a one-night stand....

24. What was your favorite TV program?
MAD MAD HOUSE.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Yeah, pretty much everyone.

26. What was the best book you read?
The Gilgamesh, Harry Potter.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Augie March.

28. What did you want and get?
Colorsplash. Scroll down, baby.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
It's a tie between Napoleon Dynamite and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I went out to lunch with my mom and dad and sister. I was eighteen.

32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A car.. and a kiss during the fireworks in Saratoga.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
What the fuck? Pants. Sweet sunglasses.

34. What kept you sane?
Bruce.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Daniel Hayes. <3 <3.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The presidential election. Duh.

37. Who did you miss?
Pretty much all of upstate New York.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
There is no "best." I can only hope they know who they are.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
It's better to say that you tried.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"Fa fa fafa fa fa fa fa."

The end. Here's some pictures I took with my brand new Colorsplash Lovecam. For more info, go to my god: Lomography.