Monday, March 31, 2003
Dear,
I guess I've admired and envied you for a while now. You're good with people, and pretty, and charming, et cetera, et cetera...But that's a really shitty thing to do. I don't know all the circumstances of the situation, but there are some things that you just shouldn't mess with. More importantly, there are some things you just shouldn't lie about. Perhaps it would benefit everyone if you learned the true definition of the word "love." I promise it doesn't mean "to betray one's best friend." I don't respect you, nor am I impressed by your overwhelming angst. I don't believe you for a moment. It is time to get a grip.
Love,
Becky
I guess I've admired and envied you for a while now. You're good with people, and pretty, and charming, et cetera, et cetera...But that's a really shitty thing to do. I don't know all the circumstances of the situation, but there are some things that you just shouldn't mess with. More importantly, there are some things you just shouldn't lie about. Perhaps it would benefit everyone if you learned the true definition of the word "love." I promise it doesn't mean "to betray one's best friend." I don't respect you, nor am I impressed by your overwhelming angst. I don't believe you for a moment. It is time to get a grip.
Love,
Becky
It's a wonderful idea... but it doesn't work.
I've been searching for the past whoknowshowlong for something to do over the summer. Everything I want to do is ridiculously expensive.
Si si si si si si. I am getting rather restless here. Escape is eminent.
Today was: Mazer love and vending machine trouble and a series of eye contacts. Sometimes I wonder what they think when they see my amused little smirk.
Goosebumps.
I need need need need need. Like a broken record. I'm stuck.
I spilled spaghetti sauce on my pants today. I hate that.
Batti batti, o bel Masetto.
I've been searching for the past whoknowshowlong for something to do over the summer. Everything I want to do is ridiculously expensive.
Si si si si si si. I am getting rather restless here. Escape is eminent.
Today was: Mazer love and vending machine trouble and a series of eye contacts. Sometimes I wonder what they think when they see my amused little smirk.
Goosebumps.
I need need need need need. Like a broken record. I'm stuck.
I spilled spaghetti sauce on my pants today. I hate that.
Batti batti, o bel Masetto.
Saturday, March 29, 2003
Who is the wonderful person who invented naps??
Reverse: failed handshake, NES, time travel, cookies, word games, mind games.
Love.
So much to say, so much to say.
I'm afraid sometimes I go too far, but I won't give myself more than a seventy five percent success rate.
Oooh eee oooh, I live across the street from you. Do do dodo do do do do.
Pants pants pants. My fate is sealed. Next year = bad.
Dear,
I wish I could offer some words of wisdom. I wish I could tell you that every dream and aspiration will come true, and I wish I could make it all happen for you. But remember that just because you feel boxed in doesn't mean that you are.
Yours.
Love.
So much to say, so much to say.
I'm afraid sometimes I go too far, but I won't give myself more than a seventy five percent success rate.
Oooh eee oooh, I live across the street from you. Do do dodo do do do do.
Pants pants pants. My fate is sealed. Next year = bad.
Dear,
I wish I could offer some words of wisdom. I wish I could tell you that every dream and aspiration will come true, and I wish I could make it all happen for you. But remember that just because you feel boxed in doesn't mean that you are.
Yours.
Tuesday, March 25, 2003
Have no fear, your wounds will heal.
Have no fear. I might have died today, but I know that if I had it would be okay. I feel... like I am part of something. I make mistakes because I am supposed to, and I am protected by something huger than the government or immigration laws or parents. Maybe this is what enlightenment feels like. Maybe I have a terminal illness.
At the same time, though, I've come to terms with the fact that the world (or at least this country) are totally messed up. Totally. I pity those who are in denial about this, almost as much as I pity those who can't see how beautiful life is.
Today was so warm..
(Waiting, squirt guns, parallel parking, pizza, jazz, homework, fighting, Claude Rains.)
Tomorrow: school, rehersal, more rehersal... maybe Rachel's youth group again. I love people and learning and music. Maybe I'll say hello to Leather Jacket.
Have no fear. I might have died today, but I know that if I had it would be okay. I feel... like I am part of something. I make mistakes because I am supposed to, and I am protected by something huger than the government or immigration laws or parents. Maybe this is what enlightenment feels like. Maybe I have a terminal illness.
At the same time, though, I've come to terms with the fact that the world (or at least this country) are totally messed up. Totally. I pity those who are in denial about this, almost as much as I pity those who can't see how beautiful life is.
Today was so warm..
(Waiting, squirt guns, parallel parking, pizza, jazz, homework, fighting, Claude Rains.)
Tomorrow: school, rehersal, more rehersal... maybe Rachel's youth group again. I love people and learning and music. Maybe I'll say hello to Leather Jacket.
Saturday, March 22, 2003
"You can get so confused
that youíll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-neck pace
and grind on for miles across wierdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...
...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a Kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
NO!
That's not for you!
Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing."
Words of wisdom and hope from Dr. Seuss, via one beautiful, bearded lover.
that youíll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-neck pace
and grind on for miles across wierdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...
...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a Kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
NO!
That's not for you!
Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing."
Words of wisdom and hope from Dr. Seuss, via one beautiful, bearded lover.
Friday, March 21, 2003
I don't believe you.
No, not at all.
No, not at all.
Watch as I ramble, please. It's becoming apparent that it's not about anything at all. Only an endless circle. There must be villans so that there can be a hero. But even so, the only time I'm safe is when my face is buried in someone's shoulder. Babies cry even when they're held. A home away from home, indeed, it is not comprehensible how a person can be so...
"An orgy is just a circle of people without shoes on."
"We should leave a note, Dear Mr. and Mrs. M, Thanks for the great orgy!"
*Enter Mrs. M.*
..stupid.
I'm trying to reach you, so don't look at me like that. You've taught me so much, and I'm sure neither of us remembers where it really began. A long time ago. Now we see eachother from time to time. Remember the day I nearly disappeared and you saved me? I don't even know how you are, but you're just so damn cool. Always in a rush, but who can blame you? I wonder if you heard what I said today, and if you're still thinking about it. You wonder if I'd say the same thing about you. Probably not, but that doesn't mean I won't mess with your head. You say you want to find some place new. You say you've made mistakes that I should not make. So much can be inferred from your tone, you know. I want to make you happier.
Age is relative.
Voyour: Blue pants, leather jacket toujours. Looks like he gets about five hours of sleep a night, but maybe he's stoned. On one side of the hall or another, he leans against the wall with his shoulders, back arched a little, hands in pockets. He's making some kind of "statement" but I have no clue what it is or what his name is or if he might be smart if he actually applied himself.
Dream: She died. I go to the funeral, which is being held in someone's house. As I enter I see him sitting on a chair, he sees me, tries to say hello. I turn up my nose, in a way, though not really consciouslly. Dave pops into my face and greets me. When I look again he has left. I realize that I didn't bring a present and everyone else did. Someone (maybe Schwendy?) comes with a giant sub. He says if I give him money he will cut it so part of it can be a gift from me.
"An orgy is just a circle of people without shoes on."
"We should leave a note, Dear Mr. and Mrs. M, Thanks for the great orgy!"
*Enter Mrs. M.*
..stupid.
I'm trying to reach you, so don't look at me like that. You've taught me so much, and I'm sure neither of us remembers where it really began. A long time ago. Now we see eachother from time to time. Remember the day I nearly disappeared and you saved me? I don't even know how you are, but you're just so damn cool. Always in a rush, but who can blame you? I wonder if you heard what I said today, and if you're still thinking about it. You wonder if I'd say the same thing about you. Probably not, but that doesn't mean I won't mess with your head. You say you want to find some place new. You say you've made mistakes that I should not make. So much can be inferred from your tone, you know. I want to make you happier.
Age is relative.
Voyour: Blue pants, leather jacket toujours. Looks like he gets about five hours of sleep a night, but maybe he's stoned. On one side of the hall or another, he leans against the wall with his shoulders, back arched a little, hands in pockets. He's making some kind of "statement" but I have no clue what it is or what his name is or if he might be smart if he actually applied himself.
Dream: She died. I go to the funeral, which is being held in someone's house. As I enter I see him sitting on a chair, he sees me, tries to say hello. I turn up my nose, in a way, though not really consciouslly. Dave pops into my face and greets me. When I look again he has left. I realize that I didn't bring a present and everyone else did. Someone (maybe Schwendy?) comes with a giant sub. He says if I give him money he will cut it so part of it can be a gift from me.
Thursday, March 20, 2003
While I slept last night and battled my deepest, darkest fears, so did my country on the other side of the world.
As the day wore on it all built up.
And then I let it go. I feel cleansed, in a way, and more free. I still want him, but I no longer need him. I am free to be really angry rather than just scared and paralyzed and pathetic.
Ugh..I don't know why I'm trying so hard for this. Should I just give up? The thought of it is unbearable, but I don't know how much longer this can go on. I wonder I wonder I wonder.
Dream: Putting on another concert, this time in a real concert hall. Things seem to be going well. In between my songs, there are other bands playing. At one point I go to play my guitar and sing, but my guitar turns out to be my sax. I run frantically back stage seeking my guitar, but I can't find it. I find Miss Thomas's, but it's all out of tune. Also, I am talking to Caroline, Yenee, Ellen, etc. and someone says "Well, in our group..." and I retort, "Well, I'm not in your group! I'm not your friend!" I toss my hair and stomp away, and then wonder why I did that..
As the day wore on it all built up.
And then I let it go. I feel cleansed, in a way, and more free. I still want him, but I no longer need him. I am free to be really angry rather than just scared and paralyzed and pathetic.
Ugh..I don't know why I'm trying so hard for this. Should I just give up? The thought of it is unbearable, but I don't know how much longer this can go on. I wonder I wonder I wonder.
Dream: Putting on another concert, this time in a real concert hall. Things seem to be going well. In between my songs, there are other bands playing. At one point I go to play my guitar and sing, but my guitar turns out to be my sax. I run frantically back stage seeking my guitar, but I can't find it. I find Miss Thomas's, but it's all out of tune. Also, I am talking to Caroline, Yenee, Ellen, etc. and someone says "Well, in our group..." and I retort, "Well, I'm not in your group! I'm not your friend!" I toss my hair and stomp away, and then wonder why I did that..
Tuesday, March 18, 2003
Don't leave the light on, baby.
I'll see you sometime, maybe.
War. I wish I could write all my feelings about the current events here so that one day I might look back and remember.
But why would I ever want to remember how moronic people are and how hypocritical and fascist this country is? The guys running it anyway..
And to all the jerkfaces who insist upon calling french fries "Freedom Fries": THE FRENCH DON'T PROFIT ONE BIT FROM YOUR GREASY EATING HABITS. Why the fuck should it matter to them? Changing the name won't make the French want to go to war any more than they already do. And I mean, god forbid someone choose to disagree with this imperialistic foreign policy... God forbid they prefer to be peaceful rather than to destroy lives. Yeah, we saved them in World War 2... but they saved us in the War of Indepence SO SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH.
I can tell that Chartwell's will soon pick up on this asinine terminology.
But yeah, there I go getting upset about the little stuff. I suppose it's easier thar trying to save the world anymore. In just over 22 hours our Glorious Leader shall give himself the right to run amuck in Iraq.
I can't wait to see what the history text books will have to say years from now. It will all be so impersonal then. A series of names and events. War heros, battles, and treaties. Oh my.
I'll see you sometime, maybe.
War. I wish I could write all my feelings about the current events here so that one day I might look back and remember.
But why would I ever want to remember how moronic people are and how hypocritical and fascist this country is? The guys running it anyway..
And to all the jerkfaces who insist upon calling french fries "Freedom Fries": THE FRENCH DON'T PROFIT ONE BIT FROM YOUR GREASY EATING HABITS. Why the fuck should it matter to them? Changing the name won't make the French want to go to war any more than they already do. And I mean, god forbid someone choose to disagree with this imperialistic foreign policy... God forbid they prefer to be peaceful rather than to destroy lives. Yeah, we saved them in World War 2... but they saved us in the War of Indepence SO SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH.
I can tell that Chartwell's will soon pick up on this asinine terminology.
But yeah, there I go getting upset about the little stuff. I suppose it's easier thar trying to save the world anymore. In just over 22 hours our Glorious Leader shall give himself the right to run amuck in Iraq.
I can't wait to see what the history text books will have to say years from now. It will all be so impersonal then. A series of names and events. War heros, battles, and treaties. Oh my.
Monday, March 17, 2003
in the sky the birds are pulling rain
in your life the curse has got a name
makes you lie awake all through the night
that's why
she's intoxicated by herself
everyday she's seen with someone else
and every night she kisses someone new
never you
you're waiting in the shadows for a chance
because you believe at heart that if you can
show to her what love is all about
she'll change
she'll talk to you with no one else around
but only if you're able to entertain her
the moment conversation stops she's gone
again.
Toxic Girl
Kings of Convenience
in your life the curse has got a name
makes you lie awake all through the night
that's why
she's intoxicated by herself
everyday she's seen with someone else
and every night she kisses someone new
never you
you're waiting in the shadows for a chance
because you believe at heart that if you can
show to her what love is all about
she'll change
she'll talk to you with no one else around
but only if you're able to entertain her
the moment conversation stops she's gone
again.
Toxic Girl
Kings of Convenience
Sunday, March 16, 2003
Avid natter (ardent chatter): I'm glad he knows you, but what kind of li(f)e is this?
King of kings (thing of things): It is such a paste. Ow.
Owl sans one wing can do nothing but sit and stare past the glass toward the children inside the carpeted wigwam.
Wham. You promised. Promised. Promised
Prom missed. (She won't be there because it's a Friday.)
Of course you understand how much more important the rest of my life is, right?
Yes, of course. D'Eifel, d'eifell, d'eifail. And we've both been having unfaithful dreams. You are so bad.
King of kings (thing of things): It is such a paste. Ow.
Owl sans one wing can do nothing but sit and stare past the glass toward the children inside the carpeted wigwam.
Wham. You promised. Promised. Promised
Prom missed. (She won't be there because it's a Friday.)
Of course you understand how much more important the rest of my life is, right?
Yes, of course. D'Eifel, d'eifell, d'eifail. And we've both been having unfaithful dreams. You are so bad.
Dream: I am doing my make up. I put on purple eyeshadow and lip stick. When I look in the mirror I appear sickly and disgusting. I try to smile, but the image of myself grimaces.
Dream: Rachel and I are going to put on a performance. People begin congregating in my front lawn. We open the window and pull up the shade. We put on a CD and start singing along with it, from my bedroom. The crowd loves us, and keeps growing larger and larger. I put on lip gloss but it turns out to be numbing gel stuff. Someone decides to make some money by having a garage sale in my driveway. He dumps a bunch of things and records out, there is a mad dash, and when the dust clears it is all gone. My mind keeps coming back to the homework I should be doing and that I have to be at the Junior Museum by 3:30.
Dream: Rachel and I are going to put on a performance. People begin congregating in my front lawn. We open the window and pull up the shade. We put on a CD and start singing along with it, from my bedroom. The crowd loves us, and keeps growing larger and larger. I put on lip gloss but it turns out to be numbing gel stuff. Someone decides to make some money by having a garage sale in my driveway. He dumps a bunch of things and records out, there is a mad dash, and when the dust clears it is all gone. My mind keeps coming back to the homework I should be doing and that I have to be at the Junior Museum by 3:30.
Thursday, March 13, 2003
From†:† Thomas Kerpen †
To†:† skyeyes681@hotmail.com †
Subject†:† Hello †
Date†:† Tue, 11 Mar 2003 22:09:19 +0100 †
Hi,
I'm a guy (22) from Germany and I have a strange hobby. I collect bubble gum from all over the world, as well as bubble gum photos, personal stories, because I want to make a book out of it. In Germany it is difficult to get such material because no one seems to be interested in bubble gum anymore In case you like bubblegum and blowing bubbles maybe you could tell me more about your experiences with bubble gum or your likes and dislikes, stories etc. That would be a great help for me. If you have any further questions just ask otherwise it would be great to hear from you.
Greetings
Thomas
To†:† skyeyes681@hotmail.com †
Subject†:† Hello †
Date†:† Tue, 11 Mar 2003 22:09:19 +0100 †
Hi,
I'm a guy (22) from Germany and I have a strange hobby. I collect bubble gum from all over the world, as well as bubble gum photos, personal stories, because I want to make a book out of it. In Germany it is difficult to get such material because no one seems to be interested in bubble gum anymore In case you like bubblegum and blowing bubbles maybe you could tell me more about your experiences with bubble gum or your likes and dislikes, stories etc. That would be a great help for me. If you have any further questions just ask otherwise it would be great to hear from you.
Greetings
Thomas
I want to be the kind of girl who hangs out in a library.... or wears belts, or enjoys running....
HA! I finally just finished that application that's been sitting here for 2 weeks. If I had known it would feel this good to be finished with it, I'd have done it days ago.
Yeah, ten billion kudos for me.
Voyeur: GarÁon et fille. They sit together by the window, embracing, holding on for dear life. They both like to label themselves "Ètange." Les miserables.. He kisses her messy hair. From across the room I can't hear them, but sometimes he will whisper something, his mouth barely moving, and she will smile up at him and reply in a similar manner. They might as well be speaking French.
HA! I finally just finished that application that's been sitting here for 2 weeks. If I had known it would feel this good to be finished with it, I'd have done it days ago.
Yeah, ten billion kudos for me.
Voyeur: GarÁon et fille. They sit together by the window, embracing, holding on for dear life. They both like to label themselves "Ètange." Les miserables.. He kisses her messy hair. From across the room I can't hear them, but sometimes he will whisper something, his mouth barely moving, and she will smile up at him and reply in a similar manner. They might as well be speaking French.
Monday, March 10, 2003
Momma's got a new pair of shoes.
Actually, make that three. Hoorah for consumerism.
My to-do list is suffocating me.
Actually, make that three. Hoorah for consumerism.
My to-do list is suffocating me.
Sunday, March 09, 2003
After the jazz performance tonight:
Politician: Very nice job!
Becky: Thank you.
Politician: Are you going be a musician someday?
Becky: Maybe..
Politician: What year are you in school?
Becky: Junior.
Politician: Ah, junior? What career are you looking into?
Becky: Anthropology....
Politician: *Chuckle* See? Music is never wasted.. *Walks away.*
Any ideas what the crack that is supposed to mean??
Politician: Very nice job!
Becky: Thank you.
Politician: Are you going be a musician someday?
Becky: Maybe..
Politician: What year are you in school?
Becky: Junior.
Politician: Ah, junior? What career are you looking into?
Becky: Anthropology....
Politician: *Chuckle* See? Music is never wasted.. *Walks away.*
Any ideas what the crack that is supposed to mean??
Saturday, March 08, 2003
how you turned my world, you precious thing
you're starving me, exhaust me
everything I've done, I've done for you
I move the stars for no one
you've run so long
you've run so far
your eyes can be so cruel
just as I can be so cruel
though I do believe in you
yes I do
live without the sunlight
love without your heartbeat
I, I can't live within you
I can't live within you
I, I can't live within you
you're starving me, exhaust me
everything I've done, I've done for you
I move the stars for no one
you've run so long
you've run so far
your eyes can be so cruel
just as I can be so cruel
though I do believe in you
yes I do
live without the sunlight
love without your heartbeat
I, I can't live within you
I can't live within you
I, I can't live within you
Friday, March 07, 2003
Ugh, I just had a nice little entry going and then the internet reminded me that it hates my guts.
Any how..
I imagined starting a badminton team. I imagined my children playing badminton in the backyard someday. It occurred to me that that is what I used to do. I always played in the backyard. We had a badminton set (at least the rackets and birdies) and croquet and swings. Now the whole thing is taken over by my motherís prized pool. I havenít swum since that fateful day last JuneÖ
I just learned that the game is called ìbadmintonî and not ìbadmitton.î That shows how much I know..
I drew a picture of the boy on the bus and titled it ìEverything I Donít Want To Be.î
People in my family are amazingly good at slamming doors. My parents do it all the time when they fight. They used to take Rachaelís door off its hinges when she slammed it. It seems I have also inherited the skill. There is something so satisfying about cutting someone off so abruptly with a bang. Sometimes for emphasis we open it back up and slam it shut again. Bang, right in your face. Of course Iíd almost always end up in my room, alone, crying.
Bang, get out of my life.
Bang, I wonít let you hurt me.
Bang.
Any how..
I imagined starting a badminton team. I imagined my children playing badminton in the backyard someday. It occurred to me that that is what I used to do. I always played in the backyard. We had a badminton set (at least the rackets and birdies) and croquet and swings. Now the whole thing is taken over by my motherís prized pool. I havenít swum since that fateful day last JuneÖ
I just learned that the game is called ìbadmintonî and not ìbadmitton.î That shows how much I know..
I drew a picture of the boy on the bus and titled it ìEverything I Donít Want To Be.î
People in my family are amazingly good at slamming doors. My parents do it all the time when they fight. They used to take Rachaelís door off its hinges when she slammed it. It seems I have also inherited the skill. There is something so satisfying about cutting someone off so abruptly with a bang. Sometimes for emphasis we open it back up and slam it shut again. Bang, right in your face. Of course Iíd almost always end up in my room, alone, crying.
Bang, get out of my life.
Bang, I wonít let you hurt me.
Bang.
Thursday, March 06, 2003
I named him Edward and he inhabits my desky. See how his four eyes glance furtively away from the camera? I go to him with all my troubles because I know I'm the only person who talks to him. Every day he rests his folded hands on the well polished counter. He never looks directly at me, and we both like it that way. His favourite colour is black (it brings out his eyes, he says), and he always spells wourds with exrta U's. His very best quality is the bottles lined in a row on the second shelf above his head. They are all the same. They all have the same pressure and volume and number of moles. From them he pours the wisdom that has grown as grey as his beard, and together we drink a toast to people we used to know.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Of course I make things difficult for myself. Of course I get my hopes up. Of course it is a form of punishment. Of course I planned out everything in my head. Of course I pushed you away. Of course I don't care if I ever see you again. Of course I don't care if I ever see me again.
I rely on mirrors to reassure me that I exist (I'm also willing to bet that I read that somewhere before.)
The windowshade in my room that faces south is always up. The sun shines in on my feet five times a week and on my face two. My neighbors get a good eyeful whenever they want one, I'm sure. Their dog does anyway.. It's difficult to say whether humans actually even live there, for it seems they never leave their house and their car is always in the driveway. Perhaps they are there in the yard each night, but I can not see them because it is so dark outside by the time I go to sleep.
I dreamed last night that huge chunks of my scalp were falling off... peeling off like scabs.
I am disturbed.
Sometimes I think I would be better off if everyone I knew was a stranger.
Or if eveything you believed about me was true.
I think what I feel now is an immense dissatisfaction with everything I've ever known. You're all lies.
Alright, I'm even pissing myself off now. I need to stop being an angsty little child and drink some OJ and go to bed and get well again. In the mean time, I plan to return to my nice little fantasy world. Good night.
I rely on mirrors to reassure me that I exist (I'm also willing to bet that I read that somewhere before.)
The windowshade in my room that faces south is always up. The sun shines in on my feet five times a week and on my face two. My neighbors get a good eyeful whenever they want one, I'm sure. Their dog does anyway.. It's difficult to say whether humans actually even live there, for it seems they never leave their house and their car is always in the driveway. Perhaps they are there in the yard each night, but I can not see them because it is so dark outside by the time I go to sleep.
I dreamed last night that huge chunks of my scalp were falling off... peeling off like scabs.
I am disturbed.
Sometimes I think I would be better off if everyone I knew was a stranger.
Or if eveything you believed about me was true.
I think what I feel now is an immense dissatisfaction with everything I've ever known. You're all lies.
Alright, I'm even pissing myself off now. I need to stop being an angsty little child and drink some OJ and go to bed and get well again. In the mean time, I plan to return to my nice little fantasy world. Good night.
Tuesday, March 04, 2003
I might be happy if I wasn't ill and bitter. I feel like I might "kick the can" at any moment. *Laughs.* *Groans.*
skye yes 681 (10:18:07 PM): and i hate it nd i dont know why i'm talking so many ap classes next year
ShadowoftheDusk (10:18:16 PM): you are masochistic?
ShadowoftheDusk (10:18:21 PM): sick bitch
skye yes 681 (10:18:22 PM): perhaps
ShadowoftheDusk (10:18:23 PM): lolol
skye yes 681 (10:18:25 PM): :)
skye yes 681 (10:18:27 PM): :D
ShadowoftheDusk (10:18:39 PM): you have to take apchem with me
ShadowoftheDusk (10:18:45 PM): or i'll kill you
skye yes 681 (10:18:46 PM): okay!
ShadowoftheDusk (10:18:47 PM): and eat your brains
skye yes 681 (10:18:50 PM): hahaha
skye yes 681 (10:18:53 PM): yaaaaaay!
skye yes 681 (10:19:01 PM): (says the masochist)
ShadowoftheDusk (10:19:04 PM): at leats i'll have a lot of meals
ShadowoftheDusk (10:19:10 PM): with that big, juicy brain of yours
ShadowoftheDusk (10:19:18 PM): mmmmm
skye yes 681 (10:19:21 PM): haha that's really freakin creepy
"It took so long to figure out what this book has been about."
Welcome back. No one cares. I give up.
skye yes 681 (10:18:07 PM): and i hate it nd i dont know why i'm talking so many ap classes next year
ShadowoftheDusk (10:18:16 PM): you are masochistic?
ShadowoftheDusk (10:18:21 PM): sick bitch
skye yes 681 (10:18:22 PM): perhaps
ShadowoftheDusk (10:18:23 PM): lolol
skye yes 681 (10:18:25 PM): :)
skye yes 681 (10:18:27 PM): :D
ShadowoftheDusk (10:18:39 PM): you have to take apchem with me
ShadowoftheDusk (10:18:45 PM): or i'll kill you
skye yes 681 (10:18:46 PM): okay!
ShadowoftheDusk (10:18:47 PM): and eat your brains
skye yes 681 (10:18:50 PM): hahaha
skye yes 681 (10:18:53 PM): yaaaaaay!
skye yes 681 (10:19:01 PM): (says the masochist)
ShadowoftheDusk (10:19:04 PM): at leats i'll have a lot of meals
ShadowoftheDusk (10:19:10 PM): with that big, juicy brain of yours
ShadowoftheDusk (10:19:18 PM): mmmmm
skye yes 681 (10:19:21 PM): haha that's really freakin creepy
"It took so long to figure out what this book has been about."
Welcome back. No one cares. I give up.
Monday, March 03, 2003
Dream: In the downstairs part of my house, my cat is acting sick. My dad tells me that she has sores on her knees, and I see that she does. He says we have to keep her away from the kittens becasue she has been eating them. Shortly, her front lag falls off. I pick it up and pet it and cry. Dad asks how many kittens there are and I look and say, "One and a half." He says "Good" and leaves. I determine that the cat must have gotten hoof in mouth disease from eating her offspring (yes, I know this doesn't make sense). I go up and tell my dad that I think she should be put to sleep, and he agrees. The cat starts chewing on my foot...
Sunday, March 02, 2003
I imagine this is what shell shock must be like.. Being spit back into the "real world" after being bombarded. I don't know what to do with myself. I've been sitting at the computer for 4 hours now. I don't know what I'm doing or what I'm waiting for. I looked at some more colleges.
I've decided that I want to be an anthropologist.
I can't tell if I'm insanely happy or miserable.
skye yes 681 (8:14:06 PM): he slipped and fell in a puddle of troy sludge
kglinert (8:14:13 PM): oh no!!!!!!
skye yes 681 (8:14:13 PM): haha
skye yes 681 (8:14:19 PM): and it got all over the coat
kglinert (8:14:30 PM): nooooooooo!!!!
skye yes 681 (8:14:34 PM): yes!
kglinert (8:14:40 PM): why didn't you rush in front of it to protect it with your body???
skye yes 681 (8:14:52 PM): the fates are on my side today, keren!
kglinert (8:15:07 PM): but becky!!! that lovely coat!!!
kglinert (8:15:10 PM): i'm sure it's still wearable
skye yes 681 (8:15:14 PM): yeah
kglinert (8:15:19 PM): i bet the mud adds a certain class
I've decided that I want to be an anthropologist.
I can't tell if I'm insanely happy or miserable.
skye yes 681 (8:14:06 PM): he slipped and fell in a puddle of troy sludge
kglinert (8:14:13 PM): oh no!!!!!!
skye yes 681 (8:14:13 PM): haha
skye yes 681 (8:14:19 PM): and it got all over the coat
kglinert (8:14:30 PM): nooooooooo!!!!
skye yes 681 (8:14:34 PM): yes!
kglinert (8:14:40 PM): why didn't you rush in front of it to protect it with your body???
skye yes 681 (8:14:52 PM): the fates are on my side today, keren!
kglinert (8:15:07 PM): but becky!!! that lovely coat!!!
kglinert (8:15:10 PM): i'm sure it's still wearable
skye yes 681 (8:15:14 PM): yeah
kglinert (8:15:19 PM): i bet the mud adds a certain class
