Thursday, March 06, 2003
Of course I make things difficult for myself. Of course I get my hopes up. Of course it is a form of punishment. Of course I planned out everything in my head. Of course I pushed you away. Of course I don't care if I ever see you again. Of course I don't care if I ever see me again.
I rely on mirrors to reassure me that I exist (I'm also willing to bet that I read that somewhere before.)
The windowshade in my room that faces south is always up. The sun shines in on my feet five times a week and on my face two. My neighbors get a good eyeful whenever they want one, I'm sure. Their dog does anyway.. It's difficult to say whether humans actually even live there, for it seems they never leave their house and their car is always in the driveway. Perhaps they are there in the yard each night, but I can not see them because it is so dark outside by the time I go to sleep.
I dreamed last night that huge chunks of my scalp were falling off... peeling off like scabs.
I am disturbed.
Sometimes I think I would be better off if everyone I knew was a stranger.
Or if eveything you believed about me was true.
I think what I feel now is an immense dissatisfaction with everything I've ever known. You're all lies.
Alright, I'm even pissing myself off now. I need to stop being an angsty little child and drink some OJ and go to bed and get well again. In the mean time, I plan to return to my nice little fantasy world. Good night.
I rely on mirrors to reassure me that I exist (I'm also willing to bet that I read that somewhere before.)
The windowshade in my room that faces south is always up. The sun shines in on my feet five times a week and on my face two. My neighbors get a good eyeful whenever they want one, I'm sure. Their dog does anyway.. It's difficult to say whether humans actually even live there, for it seems they never leave their house and their car is always in the driveway. Perhaps they are there in the yard each night, but I can not see them because it is so dark outside by the time I go to sleep.
I dreamed last night that huge chunks of my scalp were falling off... peeling off like scabs.
I am disturbed.
Sometimes I think I would be better off if everyone I knew was a stranger.
Or if eveything you believed about me was true.
I think what I feel now is an immense dissatisfaction with everything I've ever known. You're all lies.
Alright, I'm even pissing myself off now. I need to stop being an angsty little child and drink some OJ and go to bed and get well again. In the mean time, I plan to return to my nice little fantasy world. Good night.
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