friskin

"So, you just want to drop me?"

Yeah.

I called B tonight. It couldn't wait. Not even that it's been building up, because it hasn't. For some reason, though, I told him that he doesn't care about me anymore and that I don't care that he doesn't care.

Fallacy and straight up lie.

Today was the most disconnected I've felt since I got here. I'm still unable to do anything, but at least I'm not harboring secret hatred toward this man who doesn't deserve it. I wish my friends would write or call because I miss them a lot and it's breaking my heart. Fuckers.

It's happened.

I've started dreaming about Beloit.

Thursday September 23, 2004 started out as the worst day in the history of the universe.

It's getting better.

Yay for lots of fun and very little responsibility! I'm a "Trannie" in Rocky Horror, and that means I get to act goofy and dance around on stage. Sweet.

"All poets are mad."

(Is he a beast or a god?)

I think I need to stop and find myself and Apollonian lover.

Thank you, Robert Burton.

For some reason my alarm clock decided to try to screw me over again this morning. I have an 8:00 class. I woke up at 7:53. It takes seven minutes to walk there.

Technology: a gazillion. Human: one.

Which Ghost World character are you?

Well it's my very little wonder and it's one that I will keep,
But you can take it with you if it helps you when you're trying to sleep...
and the men who are a cut above today are often not so very deep.
Young ladies of means will say "I am, I am, I am, I am, I am",
Sitting on the edges of their seats on the light rail tram,
amongst the could-a-beens, the also-rans -
It's very little wonder if you cry,
It's very little wonder you don't cry,
The birds were framed, the babies were framed, and so too the black sky.
You can't hear the ready laughter in my song,
When I was laughing all day yesterday and all night long,
till we shook off the fears, and had us both in tears,
O brother don't clean out your ears and you might be amazed
to find the secrets of the city in its alley ways,
In the bins behind the swill cafes,
amid the clean-picked chicken bones and cartilage a spirit groans,
a small heart beats and a red beak groans
"O pity, where's my little body gone?"
You'll know why, it's very little wonder you don't cry,
Don't be ashamed of a guilty little rain, and don't be ashamed,
it's just the drink, it's just the drink, it's just the drink.
One marks a place, one makes a time,
One stops a'living, one goes about a'dying...
Somebody blew their brains out in this room,
I can feel it like it happened just this afternoon,
On the wall behind some furniture there's a stain in the shape of Africa,
O fear walks tall, when it's halfway up the hill with its friend alcohol.
I could hear the heavy footsteps in his hollow halls,
Little wonder that he soon devised to rid them all in one great gushing fall,
The billion tiny devil's feet that nightly walked that bloody beat
Hi ho, ho hum, Get yourself a gun,
Open up your heart and let the bleeders run,
Hi ho, ho hum, Move the thing along,
Open up your heart and let the bleeders run
Hi ho, ho hum, Get yourself a gun,
Open up your heart and let the bleeders run,
Hi ho, ho hum, Think about your mum,
Open up your heart and let the evening come darkly in.

Little Wonder
Augie March

So, the most exciting thing ever is going to happen this Saturday from 2 to 4 in the afternoon! I'm going to have a radio show then, and you will all listen to me and love it. Because chances are you don't live in Beloit or the surrounding area, you can still listen to me on the intenet by going to http://www.beloit.edu/~wbcr/index.shtml. Huzzah.

Today was Talk Like A Pirate Day, but I totally forgot up until two seconds ago when I typed "Huzzah." How totally disappointing.

Anyway, today while I was at the radio station where I will be doing my radio show on Saturdays from 2 to 4 in the afternoon, I took one of the free posters they had up for grabs, just because it looked cool. Well, it turns out that the band is awesome. They're also Australian and therefore very dreamy. Augie March.

My new band teacher shares a soul with Mr. B... brassocentrism and all. I had to "audition" (play a few scales, read a few bars) this afternoon, and their modes of interacting with me are strikingly similar. I sucked at playing as usual (actually, I honestly could not care less if I get last chair), but I can already tell pretty much how things will go. Especially if I join the pep-band he's trying to start... With all my peppy pep-band experience, it could be kind of fun. I think I'd do that over concert band any day, if concert band entails playing the Folk Song Suite.

He called me tonight, as planned. How was I supposed to know the track all subsequent events of the evening would follow? I guess it's these puzzles that make life interesting. I could say that everything is going great, and I love college, and my new friends are totally fun. They play with bubbles and write poetry. But as I know from reading other people's diaries, those kinds of entries tend to be a bit on the boring side.

"What are we going to do about our chief engineer on the red-nose express?"

I've been working with a lot of (literally) dirty old men. If I tell you to "fuck off, you lazy bastard," you'll understand why. My day starts at 7 tomorrow morning. I shouldn't complain about that. What I should complain about is the fact that I continue to be drawn to people who... Anyway, it was a tone I've heard before.

I guess I've been reading too much.

Blogger on Windows is way cooler. No fair.

Je t'aime.

Stop being obsessive, please!

'K thanks!

Our footprints are still on the sidewalks.

Now that my planner has been mysteriously returned to my posession, you'd think that I could stop being a doofus and start doing what I say I'm going to do, get a grip on reality, and all that. Maybe tomorrow...

Madison?

What's your name?

Hokay, so...

Echinacea is my hero.

I covered many very important mile-stones tonight.

Especially a Mary Kay "consultation" and mud wrestling.

I'd like to see anyone try to beat that.

Now when she went to Chicago that night she faced a wall,
and she woke up outside with all those leaves in her mouth,
and felt the pall,
and all night the rain came on down.
But then she'd never been to Chicago at night before the fall,
and it don't stop, not at all.
It falls all around
in the city,
hits the ground.
And now everybody's at disadvantage
speaking with their second language.
She'd never been there before they went and set up the Wall,
and though nobody'd expected much from this reinvention
she still broke right down after all
because she knew that it was all over and we'd hit a Wall,
and like the fall this was all.
Now it's all around
in the city,
on the ground.
And now everybody's at disadvantage
speaking with their second language.
And I've never been to the Wall.

Chicago at Night
Spoon

I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay
I sleep all night and I work all day

I cut down trees, I eat my lunch
I go to the lavat'ry
On Wednesdays I go shopping
And have buttered scones for tea

I cut down trees, I skip and jump
I love to press wild flow'rs
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars

I cut down trees, I wear high heels
Suspendies and a bra
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear papa

There's nothing like some good Monty Python to start your day off right.