friskin

I have definitely encountered the meanest, most antagonistic, evil psycho hose beast in the whole world EVER. Ms. Helmet-head hates me for some reason... Because she is evil. Today was definitely the closest I've ever come to a confrontation with an adult who's not my mom. Well, anyway, I have Mr. Mazer on my side for sure, and I sent along his message that if she has a problem she can speak directly to him. Which didn't prevent my hands and voice from shaking uncontrollably. She makes me feel like blah.

I am totally addicted to the internet. It's scary. I need help. I checked my email about 50 gazillion times today, and didn't get ANY letters. I guess I should stop relying on electronic communication to satisfy my need for appretiation.

I should go to sleep instead.

Other big news: Internship (or something) here. Probably doing research. I'm totally excited, even though I'm not even going in to meet the guy until June 14. I guess that's for the best, though, because it gives me a chance to finish up school and stuff.

I don't know why I'm so attracted to this idea, but I am.

My ear still hurts, and I'm beginning to get worried.

I finally mailed my housing forms yesterday. Ari called this evening asking where they were. I think that's it, as far as my end of the deal goes (until August).

The job starts Wednesday. I went to the office for a bit today, and the biggest thing I noticed was how well loved my dad is there. His co-workers think he's just the best, and they told me that all the little old ladies have crushes on him as well. They said that patients won't come to their appointments unless he sees them. And they went on about how I act just like him. And he blushed and I blushed. It was cute.

Make that 384 soon to be 640 MB. (The guy who sold us the computer forgot that they changed the internal chip from 256 to 128 or something, so they're just going to give us the difference as soon as the next shipment comes in.)

My dad is turning Gollum.

14 inch iBook G4
1 GHz
384 soon to be 512 MB DDR SDRAM
Mac OS X Version 10.3.3
Airport Extreme

Sweet.

I don't know why I laughed when they told me the news.

Maybe because if fate had not kept me talking to Whateverhisnamewas, I probably would never have found out. Probably because I wanted to think it was another lie.

I know why I turned down their invitation.

Anyhow, my funds have totally run dry for the first time since I returned from Oregon, so I'm back to doing slave labor again. It won't be as bad as last time, I think. Apparently my dad's boss is "very interested" in having me come to work for him.

Russ told me he'd ask his boss if there's a job or internship available at the place he works as well. Even if it's not a paid position, I think it'll be really neat. More experience, and more importantly, more people.

Oh Capitalism, I'm sure we'll ever be on the same page.

Jeeze, what is it with me and posting sad song lyrics?? Anyway, this one seems rather fitting.....

I've been out walking
I don't do too much talking
these days, these days.
These days I seem to think a lot
about the things that I forgot to do
and all the times I had the chance to.
I've stopped my rambling,
I don't do too much gambling
these days, these days.
These days I seem to think about
how all the changes came about my ways
and I wonder if I'll see another highway.
I had a lover,
I don't think I'll risk another
these days, these days.
And if I seem to be afraid
to live the life that I have made in song
it's just that I've been losing so long.
La la la la la, la la.
I've stopped my dreaming,
I won't do too much scheming
these days, these days.
These days I sit on corner stones
and count the time in quarter tones to ten.
Please don't confront me with my failures,
I have not forgotten them.

These Days
Nico

(I'm actually not sure if it is really by Nico, but she's the one who sings the version I have.)

Spilling milk on a keyboard is just about the worst thing a person can do.




But at least we got a new keyboard out of the deal...

So what was I expecting, anyhow? Fireworks and parade?

It rained. Just like always.

Tradition.

Today was interesting... Quality mother-daughter bonding time, followed by a marathon rehearsal-show-strike-party. And I have nothing to show for it. In fact, I'm about forty dollars in the hole. But what I did realize is how much I would love to be an artist and just live and create things .

(I'm mediocre. I'm fading out of existance. I am bi-polar. I'm going to stab you with my knitting needle.)

I'm going on a date on Tuesday (!!!).

Far too many close encounters for one day.

For one life.

For one eternity.

But I've had SO much fun.

And I feel like I need to cry, but it's not even over yet......

Guess where I am.

That's right, not at school. I debated for a long time whether to get up and go to school and learn nothing or stay in bed and get a few extra hours of sleep. It really was a tough decision.. Fiddler is tonight. (If you're not coming, you should.)

And now I'm off to run some errands. Normally I would go to the Salvation Army on a day like today, but alas I am too lazy to drive out to Latham.

P.S. Gandalf Murphy are coming to Revolution Hall in June! They are this crazy neato band and I will cry if I don't get to see them because they've already come to Troy twice and I've missed them both times. (This is more of a self-reminder than anything else, because no one else has ever heard of them.)

I can't stop listening to this song:

Pearl, listen to me now
I'm about to bring it down
There are things I need to tell you that can't wait
I've been doubting in my sleep
There are secrets I keep
Maybe in the end I'll find a way to stay
Oh, but Pearl it don't feel that way today.
Well it wasn't long ago
I was down upon my knees
Begging you to change your mind again
You were tired of trying to love me
And had put yourself above me
You try to leave, but Pearl I don't let go
It is until tonight, now I know.
There's a world outside our window
There's the mystery of desire
I can wait to make you happen
I can set this house on fire.
Listen now, I'm about it to bring it down
"Are we meant to be?" I'll ask again
As I wait for your reply
Hear the traffic passing by
Tomorrow I'll be far away from here
Pearl, I'll be far away from here
Through the world outside our window
Though you're all that I desire
I couldn't make you happen
So I set this house on fire.
There's a world outside our window
There's the mystery of desire
I couldn't make you happen
So I set this house on fire.

Pearl
by Folk Implosion

Hm.. I wonder what was up with my blogger? It totally didn't post the last two pointless entries I wrote until two seconds ago. Oh well. There they are. Totally pointless.

Somehow I am getting a lot of pleasure from being so busy that I have no time or energy to study for the three AP exams I have coming up. Masochism? I think maybe. But also, I simply couldn't really care less about silly AP exams. You know what else I don't care about? Laughing at Mr. Pawlusiak as he butchered pretty much every single name of the newly inducted National Honor Society members. As I was standing right next to him. (My favorites included Swendelman and Mothersbaum.)

..But it's funny how this apathy is juxtaposed with an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia, juxtaposed with a terrifying excitement. I won't elaborate, but I'm guessing you can guess....

I know exactly what I need now.... and it is NOT a date to prom.